camping trip a year onDear Sofie,
I am feeling rather nostalgic and blue-sey about the existence of your blog. I hate to read and look at you a year older and wish to be you. I wish to be old Sofie. But old Sofie, you were not really more proactive were you? Just because you kept a blog? The truth is you were. You did more, you somehow managed to balance blogging with schoolwork and you were not consumed by fear/boredem/pity. You were not the neutral slob of goo that you have become in recent months. You were not floating in your own bubble of shit, merely consuming your own shitty thoughts, untill the shittiness became normal, became your polluted atmosphere.
You had people responding to you, appearing to care about the things you wrote, a small audience of readers that you could engage with. You've forgotten how rewarding that was, and forgotten to be grateful and humbled by their kind, thoughtful comments.
You've gotten so far into your own head, that you've stopped doing.
Yes, over the past year you did schoolwork, you showed a basic level of passion for the lessons you sat through, you worked hard to get some grades.
Then again, maybe it goes much further back.You had a lot more passion as a child, and now you have few to no passions or atleast have not helped them grow.Hard stubby seeds, this has become the winter of your life. But the season is summer, and theres nothing stopping you but yourself. The blog is a harsh reminder, but also a comforting one. You did it once, you can do it again.
Love 18 year old Sofie