Thursday, 18 June 2015

376.Wishes to write more

Photos I've taken over the past university year

Katia (of the blog Katia Pellicotta) recently left me this comment in reference to a line at the end of a blog post:
“omg that "pushing through with resolutions" was so good to read I'm trying so hard to keep some even though everyone seems to have forgotten about doing so by this point so ! thanks”
I was pleased my words resonated with her and her words -like many of the comments I get on this blog- resonated with me. It resonated in particular because me and resolutions have got a bit of a dirty reputation. On the 31st December my mind states “Don’t chew your nails Sofie”. The 1st January arrives, my nails are aggressively chewed, bacteria is spread and a filthy taste is left in my mouth.

However, this year I made a number of different nail-nul resolutions, such as:  read one book a month (one of my own choice, rather than one of the billion I read for my degree!), write two things a month, submit one thing a month to a publication, and other such creative pursuits. I placed these resolutions in a table, as a way to record my progress. As I write this I realise I should seriously buy myself some gold star stickers to make this whole process more fun. It is fun. It is hard. Really, really hard. Honestly my resolution-completion levels are at about 10 percent. Last month I read two books, wrote one thing, submitted to nothing, and touched none of the three other projects I had planned.

Now let us note that I’m a student in a position of (albeit temporary) financial stability, health and privilege. And still it’s hard. But let’s also note that my notions of productivity are quite possibly a symptom of capitalism. Let’s note that failure is not failure but success. That consistent failure teaches. Let’s also note this pretty cool image. I’m sending it on postcards to my partners in crime but I send it to you too.
I keep these notes post-sticked in my brain, making sense and nonsense of my struggles. And I keep trying.

I’m also pretty interested in habit formation these days. This has partially been spurred by some amazing resources I’ve encountered recently, including; this amazing piece by Ragini about meeting goals particularly if you suffer with depression, these sheets for tracking the progress of your habits and these extra tips by Martina. I’m becoming more invested in habit formation as a process towards meeting my resolution goals. And I’m also more interested in good habit formation rather than bad habit removal. My nails are still bitten but as I finish this draft I can write I’ve started a daily writing habit. And, I hope if you want to, and can, that you’ll keep pushing through.